Have you ever wondered why, despite your best efforts, you can’t seem to stop saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”? If so, you’re not alone… If you struggle with both anxiety and people pleasing, it may surprise you to hear that anxiety and people-pleasing are often deeply intertwined.

In fact, these two often go hand in hand, with one constantly fueling the other. As a result, they create a cycle that can feel impossible to break. 

The truth is, overcoming people pleasing patterns and behaviours can be hard work! And let’s be honest, strategies such as learning to set boundaries, can often feel terrifying and really hard to implement. 

Let’s face it… Despite the best of intentions, our efforts can easily fail. Especially when faced with situations that require authenticity and assertiveness, and the possibility of disappointing someone.

In such instances it’s way easier to resort to being a people pleaser, than it is to set healthy boundaries. Sounds familiar?

So, how the heck do you get yourself out of this never ending cycle?

Well… By addressing the root causes behind the anxiety that drives those patterns, you can stop people-pleasing with a lot more ease.

In this post we will explore how healing anxiety can help break the cycle of people-pleasing behaviours.  And not only that… You will also get some easy to implement actionable steps to help you stop people-pleasing.

Ready to dive in? Grab a cuppa, snuggle in your favourite chair and let’s get into it!

Understanding the Link Between Anxiety and People-Pleasing

When it comes to understanding this connection we need to start by looking at where people- pleasing stems from. 

Simply put, this pattern stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection and a desperate desire for approval. But above all, people pleasers seek to avoid conflict at all costs as a way of feeling safe. 

Safe from what you may ask? Safe from judgement, rejection and ultimately abandonment. 

This means that, facing the possibility of being judged, or feeling guilty about disappointing others becomes an anxiety trigger. Why? Because that signals to your subconscious mind that you’re in danger of being abandoned. 

And fear of abandonment is one of the biggest fears we have as humans, because on a subconscious level abandonment equals death. 

Is it any wonder that as a result we please others at our own expense?

In addition to that, when you’re anxious, your mind is constantly on high alert, scanning for potential threats—both real and imagined. As a result, you become overly sensitive to the opinions and needs of others, and ultimately abandon your own needs, in order to feel safe.

The result? You find yourself trapped in a never ending cycle of people-pleasing, constantly seeking approval and avoiding conflict at all costs. Why? Because your subconscious mind perceives conflict as a potential threat to your survival. Pretty wild, right?!

For many women, the deep fear of rejection or abandonment that fuels this cycle, often stems from childhood experiences. These fears, buried deep within the subconscious mind, drive the anxious thoughts that keep you stuck in people-pleasing patterns. And while you may be aware of these tendencies on a surface level, the real challenge lies in addressing the underlying root causes that fuel them.

The Psychological Mechanisms: Why Anxiety Leads to People-Pleasing

To truly understand the relationship between anxiety and people-pleasing, it’s essential to look at the psychological mechanisms at play. Anxiety, especially when it’s chronic, creates a state of hypervigilance within your nervous system. As a result, this leads you to constantly anticipate negative outcomes, making it difficult to assert your own needs and desires.

My client Sarah, for instance, is a perfect example of how this patterns forms and perpetuates. 

While at work, Sarah found herself saying “yes” to every request, even when she was already overwhelmed with too many tasks. Her anxiety made her fear that saying “no” would lead to criticism or even job loss, so she continued to overextend herself. Over time, this pattern not only exacerbated her anxiety, but also led to burnout and built up resentment. 

As a result, these pent up emotions caused her to explode on people, thus putting a strain on her relationships as well.

Sadly, Sarah’s story is not uncommon, especially for women who struggle with anxiety. Whether it’s disapproval from a boss, conflict with a partner, or the possibility of being ostracised by friends, fearing negative consequences drives people-pleasing behaviours. As a result, these behaviours reinforce the anxiety, thus creating a self-perpetuating cycle.

But what if you could break this cycle by addressing the root causes of your anxiety?

Breaking the Cycle: Healing Anxiety to Overcome People-Pleasing

The first step in overcoming people-pleasing is to tackle the anxiety that underpins it. 

But what about learning to set boundaries you may ask?

Absolutely! The ability to set healthy boundaries IS essential to breaking people-pleasing patterns. However, trying to set boundaries without addressing and releasing the root causes behind the beliefs, fears and anxieties that drive the people-pleasing behaviours, is like constantly mopping up the floor without turning off the tap.

In other words, strategies like setting boundaries and practising assertiveness can often fall short of providing lasting change, because they only address the symptoms, not the root causes. 

This is where accessing the subconscious through hypnosis comes in.

The Role of the Subconscious Mind in Overcoming Anxiety and People-Pleasing

Anxiety is stored in the subconscious mind and in our bodies, where deep-seated beliefs and unresolved emotions reside. These subconscious patterns drive our behaviours without your conscious awareness, making it difficult to break free from anxiety and people-pleasing on your own.

For instance, if you were raised in an environment where you felt the need to earn love and approval, your subconscious mind may have internalised the belief that you must always put others first to be loved and accepted. In turn, this belief fuels both anxiety and people-pleasing, leading to a cycle that can be hard to break.

However, breaking this cycle is not only possible, but it’s a lot easier and faster than you think when you work with the subconscious through hypnotherapy and hypnosis. 

This powerful modality is a gentle and safe way to access the subconscious mind and reprogram these disempowering beliefs. By addressing the root causes of anxiety at this deeper level, you can release the fears and insecurities that lead to people-pleasing, allowing you to step into a more confident and empowered version of yourself.

For instance, during a hypnotherapy session, a client might uncover a childhood memory where they were criticised for standing up for themselves. This memory, stored in the subconscious, may have contributed to a lifelong pattern of people-pleasing. By reprocessing this memory and releasing the associated emotions, the client can start to build a new, healthier response pattern—one that prioritises their own needs without anxiety.

5 Actionable Steps to Start Breaking the Cycle

1. 1. Identify Your Triggers Through Mindfulness: Start by noticing when you feel the urge to people-please. What situations trigger your anxiety? Understanding these triggers can help you address the root causes. Awareness is the first step to change!

1. 1. Practice Self-Reflection: Spend time reflecting on your childhood experiences. Were there moments when you felt you had to please others to feel loved or accepted? Journaling can help bring these subconscious patterns to light.

1. 1. Set Small Boundaries: Begin by setting small boundaries in low-stakes situations. Practising small acts of self-assertion and gradually building up to more challenging ones, will build your confidence over time. Remember, this is about progress, not perfection!

1. 1. Challenge Your Beliefs: When you feel the urge to please others, ask yourself: “What belief is driving this behaviour?”. Is it fear of rejection? The need for approval?

1. 1. Seek Support: If you’re ready to go deeper, consider seeking support from a therapist to address the root causes of your anxiety and people-pleasing patterns.

The bottom line

• • Understanding the link between anxiety and people-pleasing is the first step towards reclaiming your power and breaking free from these patterns. 

• • If you’re tired of living in a state of constant anxiety and people-pleasing, it might be time to explore deeper healing.

• • While strategies and conscious behavioural changes can help, true and lasting change happens when you address the subconscious drivers behind your anxiety. 

If you’re ready to start your journey toward true freedom from anxiety and people-pleasing Click here to book a complimentary session today, and let’s explore how we can work together to achieve the lasting emotional freedom you deserve.

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